The day started off as a normal Thursday.
Mandy asked me to come by to help do a photoshoot for the new backpacks that we are carrying. I thought I knew what to expect. You may remember seeing photos from our last lifestyle shoot in Heron Park just outside of Kalispell. I didn’t know that I would leave that day having received a gift I didn’t know I needed—the gift of feeling seen

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I was drawn to work with Mandy because I am a photographer as well and I admired her portrait photography for all of the fierce energy and emotion that her work conveys. Over the years, I have found it rather easy to remain out of the spotlight, always the friend with the camera. I enjoy helping others feel seen and beautiful, capturing tender moments that would otherwise be missed. However, (and maybe it is the Leo in me), I have always secretly longed to be photographed by someone who can capture what feels like my “essence”. I felt that if I could see myself in a photograph, frozen in time, then I could understand myself better and have some distance from the image I carry in my own head and am learning to speak nicely to.

I am someone with a strong and vibrant inner world and I am working hard to connect the inner with the outer world. I am learning just how much tender loving care and time it can take to shed the layers and ideas I formed in my youth and to rewrite the stories I tell myself. Stories that shape the way I see the world and what I believe is possible.

Just a few weeks ago I took a leap of faith and cut my long red hair off. I was motivated by the desire to really see myself and not have anything to hide behind—or hair to hide behind in this case.

There was an inner voice of resistance to the haircut, perhaps a resistance to change, or the voices of all the people who praised my hair color and told me never to change growing up. Afterward, I was relieved to feel immediately lighter and more comfortable in my own skin.

When I arrived at Mandy’s house for the shoot, she had me choose clothing items from my closet that were simple and “European Adventurer” inspired. She set up her triple-walled studio in the backyard and a seamless photoshoot just poured out of us both.

I felt at ease, especially because I have gotten to know Mandy so well this past summer and she has been a wonderful mentor, friend, and boss. But it is worth mentioning how her eye for detail feels like a palpable and trustworthy force to be reckoned with. She knows just how to direct her subjects, ever so slightly, to bring in brilliant light and a stunning angle. She really knows how to bring who you are at your core into the spotlight.

Lately, I have been feeling more comfortable expressing myself in an androgynous manner but before this shoot, I was still finding my stride with choosing my own comfort before my perceived self-image. I decided to push that energy outward, so as to meet Mandy’s creative energy and to flow with her artistic direction. I completely trusted her with my vulnerability. I like to think it is that trust that made these images possible. That, and Mandy’s expertise and clever wit.

I didn’t feel like a subject being observed, I felt like a person being witnessed and given a humble spotlight.

After a little time had passed, we decided to have some fun with a CBD preroll that I had purchased from the Sunflower Cafe in West Glacier. It was the perfect chance to lean into my longtime dream of being a Peaky Blinder or a young gent from early 1900s Northwestern Europe.

When I came home from this photoshoot, I was elated. I felt a pep in my step and almost a sigh of relief—The feeling that I could finally relax and trust the embodied realization that I exist, I am real, and I am beautiful. I am learning how to respond when my existential mind wanders and leaves my body. In the past, this process has provoked feelings of being unrelatable and misunderstood. Now, as I evolve and flourish, I feel like I have a place in the present moment, in this body.

This photoshoot validated my very aliveness my ability to feel abundant. I am forever grateful to Mandy for giving me this wonderful gift and moment of growth on my personal journey with self-love.

Feeling seen is such an important and simple gift, one that we are all capable of offering one another. Whether it is through a camera lens, sincere eye contact, active listening, taking time to acknowledge one another’s inherent value and worthiness.

In case you haven’t felt it lately: I see you, you belong, and you are worthy of love.